My friend and new mom Mara is more open than most in this post. The memory is still pretty fresh in my mind. Very great emotional, physical, and spiritual demands when you are more exhausted than you have ever been, in pain, and in a hormone-induced altered state. Stunned realization of the responsibility you have assumed, crushing anxiety, guilt, self-pity, loneliness...I could go on. And all the while you're trying to feel (and do feel sometimes) what you're supposed to feel: joy, love, fulfilment etc. I guess the memory fades, because women with bigger or grown children often don't seem to have the sufferings of those early weeks foremost in their minds. I thought for sure I was being scarred forever. No, what I actually thought was that my life was over. When you're in the middle of it, it's hard to even imagine any other existence.
For me it gradually got better. Every few weeks, I'd think, "Phew! That was bad! Good thing I'm feeling better now." It was a little up and down, but always more and more up. Good thing babies are so darned cute. I'm sure it is a question of pure survival.
As time passes, it starts to assume it's proper proportions, it becomes less harrowing, and you are better able to focus on the miracle you have been blessed to take part in.
Judging from her coherent sentences and intact sense of humor, I think Mama-Liam is doing good. Hang in there! We're with you. Moms KNOW!!!
5 comments:
Your words were so eloquent, Selvi..and those of us that are mothers will absolutely relate. You may find if you have more children, the shock of life left behind is not half as great as with your first born. The fatigue, feelings of guilt and mourn for the life you left behind the day that baby was conceived- and the guilt- oh my- the guilt at feeling that way.
Yes, thank goodness- we forget so quickly that time- as they grow and we grow and can look back. The return to normal sleep patterns, also helps! ;)
Thank you for writing so vividly and with so much feeling. I'm not only enjoying reading your blog, but learning alot too. I'll have alot more understanding for new moms now.
I always thought there should be special prayers, or exceptions, for obligatory prayers for new mothers. Many kisses to you and the baby.
Thank you, Selvi. Your writing is some of the most soothing and reassuring stuff for me as I get through this time.
Your words "Good thing babies are so darned cute" reminds me of a comment parker Mcgee made about kids... to paraphrase, "It sure is a good thing God gives us kids when they're babies and so cute and helpless. Otherwise, if He gave us them at 12 years old we'd probably want to send them back."
Love to all you new moms and dads, and good luck and happiness in the challenge of rearing up the new generation.
From Amma, Sashwee's mom and Lillian's grandma.
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